God Wins.

Every morning at work, we start the day with devotions. Yeah, it's sweet. Today, the guy who was giving devotions talked about Job, and everything that he had to go through. He also read us a story about a girl who was kidnapped, raped, and handcuffed to a tree until the police found her, and he related it to Romans 8:28, which says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." He talked about how God can even turn a terrible experience into something that can help further His Kingdom. The girl who was kidnapped, raped and handcuffed to a tree... she's now ministering to other crime victims. I'm not saying that what she went through was good... but by the grace of God, she used it to do something amazing. After devotions, the guy apologized for starting the day on a depressing note. He didn't know that it was exactly what I needed to hear. I had been down for a few days because I found out that I most likely either have another cyst (which I'm not supposed to be getting anymore) or a hernia. I was just starting to think that I was actually getting healthy again. I'm finally back running after a good two months off due to being sick. The message that this guy shared with us this morning made me feel like God was bonking me on the head (I think he does that a lot). Romans 8:28 isn't saying that nothing bad is going to happen to people who love God. It's saying that with His help, we can turn all experiences into something awesome. Even the crappy ones. It's like kicking Satan in the jugular. He thinks he's on to something, and then... BAM. God wins.

"In the pain, there is healing."

Every now and then, my body likes to explode on me. Apparently it's decided to not be able to digest soy, dairy, or gluten, along with growing cysts only to cause excruciating pain while they burst inside my little, 12 year old sized body. I don't mean to be so depressing, but this has been happening for way too long, and I'm supposed to be healthy by now. I've been on meds AND on a gluten/soy/dairy free diet for months, yet my body continues to do what it does best... explode.

This past Friday, it took me by surprise. We were on our way to PA to watch a few of my teammates run and my "innards" were starting to feel a little funky. Sometimes they feel like that when I don't drink enough, so naturally, I started chugging water. That just made me had to pee, which didn't help at all. As I sat down to watch the "distance carnival" with some of my favorite people, my organs decided to have a little carnival of their own. First, it was just annoying. I wanted to enjoy what could have been a very enjoyable night, but apparently that wasn't on my body's agenda for the night. As time went by, the pain became worse and worse until it was unbearable. When it gets that bad, I honestly have no idea what's going on around me. Everything gets blurry, I start breathing all funky, and all I can think about is how on earth I'm supposed to make it through the pain. From my past experiences, I've learned that it will come to an end. I know that within a few hours the pain will have subsided into an annoying ache and I'll be left feeling a mixture of exhaustion, frustration, and relief.

What I've written so far probably makes me life sound terrible, but it's really not. Although I really don't understand what's going on with me and why it's happening, God has blessed me with the people who I need in my life in order to get through this. My family... is awesome. They sacrifice so much for me. I know, that's cliche... but it's true. Being two hours away from home makes things a little tricky for them sometimes, but thankfully, I have awesome people here at Roberts who make life a lot easier. Besides the amazing team and friends that I have who are constant reminders of God's mercy as I struggle through this, I happen to have some unrelated "relatives," Aunt Jen and Uncle Andy. They're actually my coaches and I really have no idea when/how we started calling them "Aunt" and "Uncle," but they basically are my Aunt and Uncle. It's not uncommon for Aunt Jen to make me delicious food that I can actually eat, and for Uncle Andy to have to carry me back from wherever I happen to be when I explode. I'd keep going, but it'd take up a whole book. And a sequel. I call my other coach "Dad." He took me to the hospital before and ended up spending 4 hours in the ER with me while we waited for me to be let in. He's pretty awesome.

One of my friends was explaining how he felt when I got sick the other night. He told me that it's terrible because he wants to help, but can't do anything to make me feel better. It's true that nobody can do anything to make the pain go away, but I sure hope they realize that just having them sitting there with me makes me feel a million times better. Knowing that someone cares is is more encouraging than you can imagine (unless, of course, you're a fellow exploder... then you probably don't have to imagine.)

As I make my way through a maze of frustration and pain, I'll continue to get by with the help of the blessings that God provides me: friends, hugs, encouraging Uncle Andy emails, smiles, laughter, blueberries, etc...

In the meantime, I'll be praying that God will heal my body and that this will somehow help me to grow into the young woman that He created me to be and I'll trust that He has a plan for me, even when it really doesn't feel like it.