One of the main symptoms that I've been having throughout the past few months is extreme fatigue. It's getting to the point where it's very debilitating some days, despite the fact that I get 9-10 hours of sleep a night (and sadly, still have to wake up with an alarm). Every now and then, I'll let myself sleep in without an alarm, but then I end up sleeping forever. I'm really not a fan of sleeping the day away.
Yesterday, my dad drove me out to Roberts so that I could go bowling with the cross country team. At first I was pretty overwhelmed because I saw so many people that I've missed, and just seeing campus made me sad/stressed out/confused about everything. Bowling was a ton of fun though, and I really enjoyed being with the team again. I even tried doing the moonwalk in my bowling shoes (that were probably meant for 8 year olds). My fever was over 100 (like normal), and I was very worn out by the time we were done bowling, but it was well worth it. Oh, and my score of 24 was pretty epic.
The depression has gotten better since I've been home because I've had a lot more time to pray, journal, read my Bible and just think and talk to people. This doesn't mean that I don't get depressed about everything that's going on, it's just that it's the normal "being bummed about being sick all of the time" depressed. This morning was pretty rough. I woke up feeling miserable, so I wasn't able to go to church which made me really upset for awhile. Thankfully, my dad was around and we talked for awhile. I was just so sick of not knowing what's going on, and I really didn't want to have to deal with it anymore. Sometimes I get really frustrated because I want to be able to be my normal, crazy, bubbly self that I haven't been in a long, long time. I spent most of the day on the couch... actually, I'm still on the couch. I did get out to tutor for a little while this afternoon, but I only had enough energy to help for an hour and then I couldn't focus anymore. Focusing has been REALLY difficult lately. Just writing this is difficult... it's a good thing I'm not at school trying to write papers!
But yeah, that's the newest update of my life. I'm extremely thankful for everything I do have, even if good health isn't one of them right now. My parents have been moving the furniture around to try and find a place to fit the (FAKE!) Christmas tree, so that makes me very happy (not that it's fake... but that it's Christmas time!)! God has done many awesome things throughout the time that I've been sick, and I know that He's still there guiding and protecting me. I even got an email from a little girl named Alena (who has been battling cancer and the terrible side effects of chemo and radiation) and her dad, and they sent me two prayers of healing that Alena says so that I could say them too. I was so excited, and they are beautiful prayers that I'll be saying every night too. I had signed her guestbook, but I didn't think they'd have the time to say anything back! I just wanted them to know that someone across the country was praying for them (I had stumbled across her page during the summer while looking for ways to help kids with cancer as a service project for the team...).
By the way, if you'd like to visit Alena's caringbridge website it's http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alenamarek . Her family needs lots of prayers and support!
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