Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Quick update!

School + being sick = not much time to blog... but here is a very, very quick update:

I am no longer "normal people" sick on top of my not-so-normal "issues," so that's very nice!  I was home for the weekend to play in the alumni jazz band which was fun!  I also had a doctors appointment back home yesterday to make sure my PCP is on the same page so that he can send my records to Maryland.  We'll hear if I'm accepted into the Undiagnosed Diseases Program in 6-8 weeks.  I tried not to expect much at the doctors appointment because we were really just there to make sure he was sending my records, but it was still stressful.  I hadn't seem him since summer because I had been to so many other doctors since then!  The only thing new that happened was that he put me on medicine for overactive bladder because apparently it's not normal to pee every 10 minutes when I'm trying to go to sleep... and then wake up for more trips to the bathroom.  We won't know if overactive bladder is the culprit until we're able to see if the medicine helps, and that's supposed to take at least 2 weeks... so... we'll see.  It's really the least of my medical issues right now, but it could mean more sleep in the near future, and that'd be very cool.

I have a lot I want to write about, but I need to go to sleep!  Hopefully I'll be able to write more soon!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A rough week...

Last Tuesday, we finally heard back from Mayo Clinic... and... they didn't accept me as a patient.  They said they've gotten too many applications for the general medicine department, so they prioritize based on medical need.  Apparently being sick for 3 years just doesn't meet their standards....

Even though I had been praying that God would only bring me there if that's the place that would bring us a diagnosis and healing... I was still hoping that it would be the place, and getting that letter was so discouraging. The rest of the week was really rough after that.  I woke up on Wednesday with what I like to call a "normal people sickness," and it kept me up all night on Thursday, so I was a mess on Friday!  I somehow survived a class and a 3 hour lab, but it wasn't pretty!  By the time the week was over I was convinced that coming back to school while still being sick was a stupid decision and I just wanted to go home.  I still would love to go home and be able to rest, but I'm going to try and tough it out another semester unless things get worse.  I just have to be very smart about not over doing it.  I try to stick to a "no homework past 9:30pm" rule so that I have time to do something relaxing before I go to bed... otherwise I'm all anxious.  I also try to take breaks throughout the day to pray and rest, which help me to not go completely insane.

I'm still having a rough time because I've been feeling so sick and discouraged, but I know God is still in control... even though it feels like this has been dragging on forever.  I'm really hard on myself, and it doesn't help any.  Sometimes, I start getting mad at myself for stupid things like not doing a whole lot of fun things or having to rest more than everyone else.  One of my new favorite (not) fears is that I won't be able to adjust to being healthy because I've been sick for such a long time.  I know that sounds like one of the silliest things to be afraid of, but when I'm thinking like that it's hard to convince myself that it's really stupid.

The day after we heard back from Mayo, I registered for the National Institute of Health's Undiagnosed Diseases Program, and they already mailed an application back home.  We looked at the program last year, but they weren't taking any more applications then.  They only take 50-100 patients a year, but hey... it's worth a shot.  Please keep praying!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Who I am

I'm back at school for spring semester!  Thinking about getting through another semester while I'm sick is a bit intimidating, but I have to keep reminding myself to just get through one day at a time.  I really enjoyed break and having the chance to relax with my family!  Over break, I was thinking and praying a lot about remembering who I am in Christ.  It's really easy to start feeling down when I think of all of the things that I can't do.  Sometimes, it even feels like I lost part of my identity, and I start to be stupid and  think that because I can't run and do everything that I used to be able to do, I'm not as good as I was before.  Obviously, that's a lie (and a really stupid one), but unfortunately it's very easy to believe when I'm down about being sick!  It all comes down to having an eternal perspective and trusting that God really does know what's best, which isn't always all that easy... but it's so important.  I have to trust that this will be worth it in the end, and maybe God's doing bigger things through this than if I were still a healthy runner.

 I am a child of God because of what Jesus did on the cross for us, and nothing I do can make me any "more" of a child of God... and being sick can't make me any less of one!


Jason Gray - Remind Me Who I Am

Friday, January 6, 2012

A few changes

I've been messing around with a few things, so I'm sorry if things appear/disappear randomly in the next day or two (blogger has a lot of little surprises I didn't know about...).  So far I just added the share buttons, updated a few things, and changed the commenting settings so that anyone can comment.  If things look really weird all of a sudden, it's just because I don't know what I'm doing!

Happy Friday! :)