A rough week...

Last Tuesday, we finally heard back from Mayo Clinic... and... they didn't accept me as a patient.  They said they've gotten too many applications for the general medicine department, so they prioritize based on medical need.  Apparently being sick for 3 years just doesn't meet their standards....

Even though I had been praying that God would only bring me there if that's the place that would bring us a diagnosis and healing... I was still hoping that it would be the place, and getting that letter was so discouraging. The rest of the week was really rough after that.  I woke up on Wednesday with what I like to call a "normal people sickness," and it kept me up all night on Thursday, so I was a mess on Friday!  I somehow survived a class and a 3 hour lab, but it wasn't pretty!  By the time the week was over I was convinced that coming back to school while still being sick was a stupid decision and I just wanted to go home.  I still would love to go home and be able to rest, but I'm going to try and tough it out another semester unless things get worse.  I just have to be very smart about not over doing it.  I try to stick to a "no homework past 9:30pm" rule so that I have time to do something relaxing before I go to bed... otherwise I'm all anxious.  I also try to take breaks throughout the day to pray and rest, which help me to not go completely insane.

I'm still having a rough time because I've been feeling so sick and discouraged, but I know God is still in control... even though it feels like this has been dragging on forever.  I'm really hard on myself, and it doesn't help any.  Sometimes, I start getting mad at myself for stupid things like not doing a whole lot of fun things or having to rest more than everyone else.  One of my new favorite (not) fears is that I won't be able to adjust to being healthy because I've been sick for such a long time.  I know that sounds like one of the silliest things to be afraid of, but when I'm thinking like that it's hard to convince myself that it's really stupid.

The day after we heard back from Mayo, I registered for the National Institute of Health's Undiagnosed Diseases Program, and they already mailed an application back home.  We looked at the program last year, but they weren't taking any more applications then.  They only take 50-100 patients a year, but hey... it's worth a shot.  Please keep praying!