Doctors and dino eggs and everything else

Last week was a really tough one, but I'm still alive!  I was getting attacked by a stinkin' headache and nausea from Monday - Saturday, so it was a bit rough and I wasn't able to sleep very much.  I also had a doctor appointment on Wednesday.  We chatted, did some blood work, and he referred me to a urologist to try and get my bladder issues straightened out.  We're waiting for the results from the blood work.  He also checked out my mysterious lump (affectionately known to many as the "dino egg") on my right leg, because none of my doctors had come to a conclusion about it last year.  He almost had me get more scans done to check it out again, but he's pretty certain that it's a muscular deformity (which means we have 2 doctors agreeing on the same thing... which is pretty unique in my case), because it disappears when I relax my leg, and tumors don't do that.  It's also not growing and it doesn't hurt, so there's no sense in going in to remove it, and we know it's not fluid filled because it didn't show up on the MRI last year.  I've been exposed to quite a bit of radiation already, so doctors aren't just going to randomly send me to get scans done unless there is something that they really feel is worth looking at.  I'm trusting my doctor on this one.

I was feeling really down and discouraged for most of last week.  I guess it just seems like this has been lasting forever, and doctor appointments get me all anxious about the "what if's," and then, before ya know it, I'm an anxious and depressed mess. However, God has given me several reminders that he is STILL in control, and I'm trying really hard to just trust him and take one day at a time... but I could use a whole lot of prayers.  I honestly don't get how people go through these things without knowing Jesus.  I'd be hopeless.

I do have some exciting news!  I started volunteering at physical therapy, and I really enjoy it!  I was the happiest that I was all week when I came home from pt each time, so I know that it is a good thing for me to be spending some time doing this summer.  The people who work there are very encouraging people and they've given me more responsibilities than I expected, which I'm really happy about!  I thought that I wouldn't be doing very much with patients, but I get to work with them a lot and I love it!  Helping other people is a great way to get my mind off of my own problems, and I'm also learning a lot.

This week is off to a better start, and I'm choosing to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, because he knows what he's doing!  Well, there are a lot more reasons than that to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, but... you get the point...

Stay light, heart.

There's a lot about being sick that threatens to mess with my sanity and weigh my heart down. 

It's a lot more than just not feeling good and spending way more time than I'd like wrapped up in a blanket, asleep on the couch.  Being undiagnosed just complicates things even more.  It leaves me with a lot of "what if's."  What if they never figure this out? What if I have (fill in the blank)? What if I should've gone to a Lyme specialist after all?

But then, somehow, usually in some unique, weird, sometimes funny way... God reminds me to "chill."  He's got it all taken care of.  One of my goals during this is to stay light-hearted... which, I've learned, comes with trusting God.  I'm not nearly as good at that as I should be by now, but I'm really glad God's love isn't like human love.  I'm glad instead of turning away when I fail at trusting him, he just keeps giving me more reasons to trust him.  Sometimes it just takes a change in perspective to see it.

This weekend was a very busy weekend for me (probably not for a normal person who doesn't take a nap between each thing they do...), but it was full of good things.  I tried to take some pictures, and I'm glad I did because when I looked at them this afternoon, I realized how many people, things and experiences God gave me to smile and laugh about.  It's a good thing my family laughs a whole lot, because otherwise I might be insane by now.

On Saturday morning, my family and I  joined my highschool coaches at Jamesville Beach park to time the 5k for celiac disease.  My dad has really gotten into timing races, and I love when I get to join in on the fun and spend some time with people who I don't get to see while I'm at school.  It was also a perfect morning for the race... sunny with a high of 75. :) This is a picture of some of the equipment...

After spending a few hours of the race, I crashed and slept for a few hours at home... and then I woke up cranky, because I thought I should be running and that I was just lazy (that's the downside to helping at races...).  But, my mom and I went for a walk and she talked some sense to me... and you really can't be sad while walking in place like this.

When we were walking back to the house, I guy drove by in a lawn mower.  Most of our traffic consists of tractors and milk trucks, and the lawn mower just seemed like the funniest thing in the world at the time... by the time I took the picture, the lawn more was kind of far away...

This morning, my friend Marie and I took her lambs for a walk.  We might just be the only people in the universe who take lambs for walks down the road.  It's one of our favorite pastimes.

If I ever become so serious and my heart so hard that these things don't make me smile and chuckle, I give you permission to slap me.  And then tickle me so that I learn how to laugh again.  But... don't worry, I plan on continuing to laugh at lawn mowers and the idea of walking sheep down the road... even while I "walk through the valley of the shadow of death," 'cause I've got a God who's taking care of me, and I don't need to worry.

(and that same God created llamas, and they're funny)

A few things...

1) My brain feels like it's cooking because of this pesky fever.  Writing a list seemed much easier than trying to write comprehend-able paragraphs.

2) The past few days have been hard.  We're in between getting our previous plans (NIH) tossed out and trying to figure out a new plan.  I have an appointment next Wednesday with my primary care doctor, and then we'll go from there. 

3) Although the past few days have been hard, today's been a lot better.  A friend of mine sent me an encouraging message about some of the ways that God has worked through this to inspire other her... a few kind words go a loonnggg way!

4) I found out at the end of the semester about a really cool volunteering opportunity that I have!  It's actually kind of a cool story.  My mom's been going to pt for her hip, and whenever her physical therapist told her to do a certain stretch or exercise, I guess she said "my daughter told me to do that, too!" Eventually, he told her that I should come volunteer over the summer.  I contacted him after she told me, and I'm starting next Tuesday!  For now, I'm only going to go twice a week... but I'm really excited!

5) The Yankees are winning ;)

DONE! (And a reply from NIH)

I finished the semester on Thursday!  It's a big deal for me, because there were many times when I didn't think I was going to be able to make it through this one.  School by itself is enough.  School and a mysterious illness is pretty ridiculous.  But, God provided and took care of me in some pretty incredible ways... and left me wondering why I ever worry.  None of the things that I worried about happened, and even when bad, discouraging things happened, God was still right there, still in control.  I really can't explain how happy and thankful I was when I walked out of my last final!

We heard back from the National Institute of Health the same day that I came home.  They didn't accept me into their undiagnosed diseases program.  I was really bummed and anxious about it at first, despite the fact that I had walked out of my final a few hours earlier thinking about how silly worrying is.  I have an appointment with my primary care physician in a couple of weeks, so we'll go from there.  I'm thankful that I heard back the day I came home instead of waiting all summer to hear back.  Now, we can start heading in other directions.

My fever's making me feel really sick now, so I'll try to write more within the next few days!  And hopefully, my stuff will unpack itself... :)

p.s. IT'S SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!