"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes..."

Because of a sweet video that the Today Show made with Mike Tompkins to the song "Dynamite," I've had the song constantly playing through my head. It's funny, because when I'm happy, I think of throwing my hands up in the air in... well, a happy way. Like celebrating about something. On the other hand, when I'm feeling like poop (physically, mentally, or both), I think of it as a gesture of frustration.

Since my last post... there's been a lot to "throw my hands up in the air" about. Besides the fever, Thanksgiving was wonderful. We went to my Aunt and Uncle's and ate dinner with the whole family. My parents made me special gluten/soy/dairy free banana bread, stuffing, and squash, AND they bought me a pie that I could eat. Food (that I can eat) + Family = a very happy me.

On Friday, I headed out to Rome to spend time with Uncle Andy's family. It was WONDERFUL, and definitely the most fun I've had in a LONG time. I hadn't seen him and Aunt Jen since I'd left school, so I was super excited about it all week. After eating dinner, we headed out to Clinton for a Christmas festival that Uncle Andy plays his trumpet at. Once again, for the first time in a very, very long time, I was super happy. My "Uncle" was playing Christmas music, everything was all lit up and pretty, and there were some really fun little shops all around. I've always been a people person, but now relationships are even more important to me... especially the relationships where I feel completely comfortable being myself, even my sick/sometimes an emotional wreck/not as exciting as usual, self. We laughed, we teased each other (okay, maybe it was more like I was the one getting teased... =P), I woke Aunt Jen up by jumping on her in the morning, and Mrs. Dorr even told me that she wished she had a 4th son so that I could marry him. Yeah. I love that family.

I think I was on an emotional high because of all of that. Unfortunately, not every day is like that. Today was another tough one... a day to throw my hands up in frustration. Having a low grade fever for 47 days is ridiculous. It's enough to make me feel like poop, yet I get really confused because we have no idea what's causing it, so I have no idea what I'm supposed to be (or not supposed to be) doing. So what do I do? I get mad at myself for not being as productive as I'd like, for going a day without exercising (and then I do stupid things like running until I'm completely wiped out, which I then... get mad at myself for!), for zoning out for long periods of time, etc. I'm still hanging in there though, and I'm finding joy in things that I wouldn't have experienced if this wasn't happening. When I start freaking out, I remember how I felt when I was listening to the Christmas music in Clinton, or watching Christmas movies with my parents, or even seeing my friend's progress after only a week of tutoring her in chemistry (which I'm really enjoying!). These are all things that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't home sick. My parents and I are working as a team to get through this, and every little bit of encouragement that we get from other people makes a world of difference.

On the medical side of things: I had a liver/gallbladder sonogram today, and we're still waiting to get into the infectious disease people at Upstate. Meanwhile, the doctors continue to be stumped. Eventually, things will get better... but for now, we wait and trust God that we'll find answers!