Christmas.

I love Christmas, but it's not an easy time of year when you're sick.  I think the hardest part about it is that there's always this expectation that Christmas has to be all great and wonderful... because it's Christmas! You know, just some added pressure to have as perfect as a day as possible.  And, of course, I've always thought that if something that's supposed to be great isn't as great as expected, it was probably all my fault.

... but I've learned a whole lot this year, and one of the things I've learned is that feeling guilty for how difficult a difficult time is usually just makes it much more difficult than it was in the first place.  Knowing that it's okay to not be okay (even on Christmas) is essential for surviving a long, draining, mysterious illness... at least for me.

Christmas really wasn't terrible, and I definitely don't mean to make it sound like it was!  It was actually really good... and really hard, too.  On Christmas eve, we get together with my dad's side of the family to eat food and exchange gifts.  I love both of those things, and I especially loved that my 9 year old cousin was dressed as Santa because she wanted to pass out the gifts to everyone.  But, not having the energy to play with my 9 year old cousin as much as I'd like is getting really old.  We go to the 10pm service on Christmas Eve, and my parents always tell me that I can stay home and rest instead, but Christmas without church makes me sad, so I get all layered up and head out with them... but I still don't understand why we can't wear pajamas to that service.

Christmas morning is my favorite, but waking up with a fever for the second year in the row was a little discouraging, because I never thought I'd still be in the same situation an entire year later.  My brother, sister-in-law and I still wait at the top of the stairs until my parents say we can come down, and then we all open presents together, which is always really fun.  I survived the morning, but by the time some more family came over for dinner, I was feeling really sick and had to lay down for awhile.  I'm really not a fan of having to rest when I could be having fun with my family.

The best part about Christmas though, is that we get to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  Presents and Christmas trees are great, but if that's all Christmas was about, it'd be really depressing, because presents and trees can't save anyone.  Christmas is the reason why it's okay that I'm not okay, because I know that the God who sent His son to save us in the most humble and unexpected way is in complete control of my life.  Christmas is why I can still be filled with joy, even when the day we celebrate it includes fevers and unwanted naps... and I really hope everyone else experienced that joy this Christmas (I also hope that you had a Christmas tree and exchanged some presents - with at least one homemade present - because I'm pretty sure Jesus enjoys seeing us enjoy a good Christmas tree and a happy, grateful time of unwrapping and playfully throwing paper and bows at each other, too.).