What a year for a new year...

Oh, 2011.  I don't even know where to begin.

I remember going in to 2011 and trying to imagine what God was going to do in it.  The funny thing is that you can never imagine what God is going to do... He always blows my mind.  I was sure I'd be diagnosed by now, and I was also sure that there was no way I was going to stay sane if I wasn't diagnosed by now...  because life "undiagnosed" just couldn't possibly last that long.  Well, it has... and I'm still relatively sane, I think.  Okay, I guess it'd be better to say I'm not utterly depressed and I sure don't feel hopeless.  I wouldn't say I act like a normal human being... but I don't think I ever have...

Even though I'm definitely not doing any better physically, I've learned that it really is possible to "keep on keepin' on" when your circumstances stay bad for a very long time.  Now, if this is where you're expecting to hear that you can do ANYTHING with a positive attitude, then, my apologies.  A positive attitude by itself would have been long gone before the year even started if that's all I was getting by on.  Eventually I would have realized that all I had worked for was falling apart, and that I wasn't well enough to "work harder" or "chase after my dreams" or to fix what had gone wrong.  I'm not even sure what went wrong.  I can't tell you what day this started,  and I've finally figured out that nothing in my power can fix it.

... but I know Jesus, and I've felt His love and peace.  I've read His words and I know that blessed assurance that death is defeated, that God really is in control, and that He has the power to do things beyond my imagination.  I know that God doesn't enjoy seeing us suffer, but His Word always reminds me that the ending will be worth it.  Even though 2011 brought so many struggles with it (that aren't even over yet), God used it to teach me so much about Him and His will, and to draw me closer to Him.  Because of Jesus, I can wake up each morning and be joyful, because He's given me another day to praise Him.  That doesn't mean I'm always happy despite how I feel, but when I'm down about things, God encourages me through other people and through His Word, and that's what has gotten me through the year... and even made it a year worth looking back on.  I didn't think I could make it through another year of this, but God showed me that He can get me through one day at a time, and that's all I ever need.

"If for this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied."

-1 Corinthians 15:19

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who are being protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, even if now for a little while you have had to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith - being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, for you are receiving the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

- 1 Peter 1:3-9

I'm going to try and write another post about everything that happened this year, but I've been feeling very sick (the fever is worse) so it might take a while for me to post anything... at least anything that makes sense to normal people whose brains don't feel like they're melting away.