Somedaayyyyy...

Today's been one of my "I'm too sick to do anything days," so I've spent it on the couch doing some sleeping and, of course, thinking way too much about things that I miss that go along with being healthy...

I miss being a college kid, constantly surrounded by friends.  Friends that I actually had enough energy to hang out with while I was at school, instead of spending any free time I had sleeping.
I miss running on rainy days and making sure to stomp in every puddle.
I especially miss running on those beautiful sunny days with white puffy clouds while trying to figure out what each cloud looked like.
I miss doing interval workouts on the track with Aunt Jen and Uncle Andy screaming at me, and the high fives from Uncle Andy that I'd get after a good workout. Or, sometimes, just the "Good. Go run some more." that I'd get before my ridiculous 45 minute cool down... which, I loved. I also miss waking up while it was still dark to get my morning run in before classes.
I really, really miss running with my running buddy, Rachel, and ALWAYS running side by side... me on the left, her on the right.  I also miss 115 minute runs before church... just myself and God.
I miss doing tempos on Sunny Side, negative splits, and "Getting Angry."
I miss doing "The Evolution of Dance" with Marie whenever I was home. I just miss dancing like crazy in general.
I miss planting apple seeds, pear seeds, and every other type of fruit seed in the empty space left by Mersereau, hoping for some trees to pop up someday.
I miss rollerblading, playing Frisbee and 30 mile bike rides.
I miss getting distracted in the library by calling the other study rooms, dancing, and Nerf guns.
I miss screaming with my roommate whenever we were frustrated, stressed out, or... just felt like screaming.
I miss Flash Mobs... especially surfing on a mattress in Garlock.
Most of all, I miss being my crazy, energetic, overly-excited, HEALTHY self... even if it involved having massive amounts of hw to do.

These days make me really depressed, because thinking of all of the things that I wish I could be doing really doesn't help me get through the days when I can't do any them.  I've been trying to focus more on swimming, trumpet and piano - three things that I've been spending my limited amount of energy on.  Today I just can't focus on anything... besides the things that I can't do.  I also just got a letter in the mail from my doctor.  They referred me off to a rhuematologist because they found the HLA-B27 Antigen in my blood (I had already found that out last week). It could explain a lot, it could be a completely different problem, or it could explain nothing at all (because 8% of the U.S. population has that antigen with no symptoms, supposedly).  Unfortunately, the appointment isn't until February 27th.  I'd really prefer not to go another month with a fever and not having any idea what's wrong with me. I'm hoping and praying that God will help my doctors diagnose me and heal me, and not only will I be able to be crazy, energetic, and overly-excited; but I'll also have a stronger faith, a deeper understanding of what other people are going through, and whatever else God wants me to have... because of all of this.  I just wish the "all of this" part was over with...

I've also been playing this song on repeat all afternoon...: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38GjkhunsbQ