Whatever my lot, you have taught me to say...

Josh Wilson "It Is Well" Instrumental



This week has been very rough... more mentally than physically.
I'm not doing any worse, physically... not any better, either.
I've been thinking way too much about the future.
When I'll be healthy enough to start taking classes again.
Where those classes will be taken...
and if/when I'll be healthy enough to run....
but most of all, just when I'll be diagnosed and healthy.
Why is everyone so caught up in knowing what they're going to with the rest of their life?
How come I have no idea what I want to do?
How come people like to ask "but what are you going to do with that major?"
What if I don't want to do one thing for my entire life?
Is it terrible to not finish college in 4 years? Or even (I know... it's crazy) take a break?
Does being sick even qualify as taking a break? It doesn't feel like one.

... did I screw everything up?

Nah. Not everything. Some things? Yup. Anything that God can't fix? Nope.

Things are really hard.  I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing most of the time.  I really don't know what my body's doing.  I don't know what's going to happen.  I freak out a lot.  Especially about being undiagnosed.  It's not a fun situation to be in.  I have a bad habit of always saying "Good" when someone asks me how I'm doing. I'm not doing "Good" (or even "well," to use proper English...).  I'm... surviving.  I have good "moments," where I'll be feeling good (both physically AND mentally), and I'll be very happy during those moments, but most of the time I'm either sick, very confused, or both. This is when I need to remember that Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow.  Now I understand why.
Thankfully, despite the fact that I have no idea what's going on with my life, I know where I'll be for eternity (that's a long, long time.)....
...and I sure hope there are swing sets. 



P.S. If you didn't click on the Josh Wilson "It is Well" link, you probably should.