The Race

Even though I haven't been able to compete or even really train much in the last year and a half, I still think like a runner.  I guess 9 years of training and racing will do that to you.

One of the things that can make being sick really tricky for me is that I absolutely love to have one thing that I can work really hard at and be the best that I can be at it.  For 9 years of my life, running was that thing.  I loved setting goals and working towards them.  And when I failed, it just made me more determined to reach whatever that goal was the next time.  In high school, I was taught that having heart and guts was more important than having talent.  One of our runs was called "Top of the World."  For three and a half miles, we would run as fast as we could up approximately a 750 ft change in elevation.  The way up was timed, and then we'd turn around and run back as our cool down.  That run was never about who was fastest.  It was always about who was the toughest.  When I wanted to collapse, I was taught to keep going.  When the boys started to open up a gap ahead of me, I was taught to chase them with everything I had.  One thing that I knew I could never let myself do was give up.  Whatever goal I had made; I was determined to reach.

I've never been good at changing a goal... even if it seemed out of reach, I dreamed of accomplishing it.  When I started getting sick, I was sure that God was just preparing an epic come back.  Psh, that national championship would be way more special if I spent a few years "exploding" first.  It never really occurred to me that maybe that wasn't God's plan for my life at all.  After all, why would God create me wired to run myself in the ground and then not let that happen?  I don't struggle with pushing through things, I struggle with letting go.  It took me a long, long time to realize that letting go didn't mean giving up.  Letting go meant giving it to God, and telling Him (for my own sake, because He was already in control anyways) that I was okay with Him having different plans than I did.  Yeah, I'd need help getting to wherever He wanted me to be, but I was His... and my plans, dreams and goals were His too.

.. and that's where the real race starts.  Hebrews 12:1-3 says,

  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 

When I'm focused on God, His Word, and that I'm here to serve Him and others, life is so much more meaningful.  Not easier, but easier to understand and much more enjoyable.  No, I'm not giving up.  Trust me, if God provides me with an opportunity to train and compete again, I'll be all over it.  But, more importantly, God has a much bigger plan for my life than some picture perfect college running career.  It might be a lot different than what I expected, but it'll still be a "race."  Some days, it'll feel like those races when everything seems perfect and effortless, other days it'll take God literally pulling me through things that I didn't think I'd be able to get through.  I need to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus because otherwise I will grow weary and lose heart.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that these things aren't in the Bible because God needs us to do them, but because we need to do them.  It's what we're created to do.  It's why a life away from God will never feel complete, even if you've accomplished everything you've ever dreamed.