Waiting.

I apologize for the previous depressing post, but hey... if I'm going to get through this, I can't just skip over the bad parts. It'd be like skipping the hard workouts while preparing for a race. Running doesn't work that way, and neither does life. Running and life seem to have a lot in common. That's why I like it so much.

Today I had plans to call a couple of places to see if I could learn more about Lyme Disease; or at least get some other opinions on what's going on. Fail. I called, like I had planned... but I'm sadly learning that the medical practice is called a "practice" for a reason. I'm not bashing every single doctor - I happen to have a couple of great ones, but we've had our share of bad experiences, and today we had another. I called a doctor's office near NYC that is known for their work in Lyme Disease. I gave them a quick run through of my problems and asked if they could tell me about the California Lyme Test and why it's so controversial, and... I got "We can't tell you anything because you're not a patient. It you want to be a patient, you can make an appointment for 950 dollars. Oh, and we don't take any insurance. Sorry. Click." I didn't even get a "bye." And if it's $950 for a single consultation (not a test, examination, diagnosis or treatment), I'm a little afraid how much money these people are making off of poor sick people. Come onnnn.

Phone call number 2: A call to "Unity Connect," which is a group of registered nurses who can help you decide what to do about your health issues. I didn't expect much, which, once again was a good thing. This time the lady was actually very nice... but she told me to go to my primary doctor. I then explained that I went there yesterday and they told me I was healthy (I left out the part about the guy not being very nice...). After that she told me to go to the E.R. We didn't. We've been there too many times, and it's not the best place to be when you're getting over pneumonia. It just makes you more likely to get it again. I thanked her, she wished me well, and that was it for the day. No success. Tomorrow's plan is to call two more doctors and to try to keep from convincing myself that I'm messing everything up.

Sometimes I wonder where God is in all of this and why in the world everything has to be so confusing. I've never not known so much about my life in my... well... life. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if the guy in NYC who charges a ridiculous amount of money and uses a test that's not approved in NY is a hoax or someone I should keep looking into. We keep thinking of going to the Cleveland (or Mayo) Clinic, but we don't know if that's what we should do right now. I have no idea when I'm going back to school. I have no idea when I'm going to be healthy again. I really don't have a clue about anything... except for the fact that I am very, very tired right now, and that I'm going to be even happier and crazier than I was when I'm finally healthy again. BUT... I do have a faith in a God who does know what's going on. Yes, this has tested and shaken me up in what seems to be every way possible, but He's still there. I've prayed and prayed for guidance and for a doctor who will help me... no answer. Yet.
I'll wait. A lot of being a Christian has to do with waiting. A lot to do with distance running has to do with waiting (once again, running is my metaphor for life...ha.). I think waiting is part of God's way of making us into the people he wants us to be. Of course, sometimes it sucks during it (especially if you're sick)... but it changes us. America, on the other hand, doesn't like to wait. At all. Hmm.