... He's there, too.

Some days, this whole being sick thing is suprisingly easy.  Being "chronically ill" doesn't mean that I don't have those days where I feel like everything is great and wonderful, even if my body doesn't think so.  Those are the days that I don't just believe, but I know that this whole being sick thing is part of an awesome plan that is so much greater than anything I could even imagine.  A plan that is so great, that only our Creator could come up with anything like it.  Those are the days that I don't need to remind myself that things will be okay... because I know they will.

Other days are hard.  Really, really hard.  Those are the days when I forget that there's no need to freak out about everything that seems so helplessly out of control.  When I just desperately want be my old, healthy self and never feel a fever again.  Those are the days when I have to be reminded that no matter where I am, God, the One who created me, is still with me.  He's there when I try to go for a run and end up sick, discouraged, and depressed.  He's there when I've failed, and I don't feel like I'm good enough... and when it takes me way too long to remember that His grace is enough for me.  When I realize that some of the people who I love don't know Jesus and I start blaming myself... He's still there.  When I'm tired and can't sleep because I have to pee every 15 minutes, He's there with me.  When I'm writing a check to pay my next college loan payment and start worrying about whether it was a good idea or not to spend money that I don't have on a degree... yup, He's there, too.  He was there for every little piece of paper work that I've filled out before going to the doctors, and when I've had high hopes that this doctor might just be the one who'd figure out what's going on... and how to fix it.  When I feel like this " race" that I'm running has been one of those ridiculous "long, gradual inclines", He's there, too... running with me.

He's even there when I'm having having one of those really hard days and I start writing about how He's never left me, and everything starts to seem all great and wonderful again.